What is it About
by SkyFaunteleroy
Summary: Jude's going through a lot of stuff now. She thinks she's all alone. What happens when she hits rock bottom. How far down will she go.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star**

I walked out of my house and saw the infamous blue viper in front of me. I kept walking hoping that he wasn't here to see me. Although that was unlikely. He of course followed me and since he was in a car and I was on foot he caught up with me quickly.

"Jude get in I think we need to talk" Tommy said opening the door.

"What do we need to talk about" I asked getting in the car. He was hard to say no to.

"Sadie told me you found about your dad and that he moved out" He said pressing his foot on the gas peddle so lightly we barely moved.

"Wait you knew... YOU KNEW BEFORE I DID" I yelled "Stop the car."

"What Jude come on" Tommy pleaded.

"I SAID STOP THE GOD DAMN CAR" I yelled.

Tommy stopped the car and I got out. I'm always the last one to know.

When I got home I got on the computer to see if I could talk to Jamie but he wasn't on he never was anymore.

Suddenly an IM popped up.

(FKALTQ Tommy RockerChickJ Jude)

FKALTQ: Hey

RockerChickJ Hi do I know you

FKALTQ: Jude it's Tommy

RockerChickJ: FKALTQ shoulda known. What do you want? How did you get my SN?

FKALTQ: I wanted to talk to you and that's not important

RockerChickJ: Well what so you wanna talk about

FKALTQ: The song it was about your dad right

RockerChickJ: Maybe

FKALTQ: Why are you so difficult?

RockerChickJ: Why are you bugging me Tommy?

FKALTQ: I care about you Jude I wanted to make sure you were OK

RockerChickJ: You care about me Tommy when have you ever cared about me when you broke my heart right after repairing it

FKALTQ: Jude I thought we were past that

RockerChickJ: Yeah and I thought you liked me guess I need to work on my eavesdropping skills

FKALTQ: Eavesdropping what are you talking about Jude

RockerChickJ: I heard you talking to Kwest the other day and correct me if I'm wrong but it sounded like you said you liked me

FKALTQ: YOU WERE LISTENING

RockerChickJ: HEY DON'T YELL AT ME I DIDN'T DO A THING

FKALTQ: Jude you listened in on a private conversation

RockerChickJ: You kissed me then told me it didn't happen translation it meant nothing

FKALTQ: So we're even

RockerChickJ: Go to hell

RockerChickJ has signed off

I got up and walked over to my bed. I grabbed the phone and called Jamie.

"Hello" said a voice on the other end.

"Kat!" I said surprised that she was answering his phone.

"Oh Jude hi what's up how's everything... Jamie shhhhh it's Jude...Jamie shut it she's going to hear you" Kat said her voice getting quieter with every word.

"Too late is there something you guys wanted to tell me" I asked.

"Well Jude Jamie and I are kind of um... going out" Kat said sounding shaky.

"Wow well um I guess I'll... I have to go bye" I said hanging up.

I rolled over and crashed on the floor so hard I could barely breathe. I had no where else to turn. My support team had suddenly become unsupportive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star**

I got up and walked to my door before I left I looked at the clock it said 10:00. I wanted to just go to sleep but I knew I'd never be able to fall asleep until after I talked to someone. I checked Sadie's room but then remembered she was at a friend's house.

--------------------

I turned the car around and headed back to Jude's house. I parked the car in front of her house and left it running in case of a need for a quick getaway. I walked up to the door and was just about to knock when Jude opened it. She was crying and sniffling.

--------------------

"Tommy I don't have time for..."

---------------------

I grabbed her waist and pulled her into a kiss. She pulled away and I left leaving her on her front step crying.

I couldn't believe I did it again. The same thing happened not too long ago at her 16th birthday. I don't know why but when ever I see her I get kind of jumpy and I don't know what to say and usually end up hurting her.

My cell phone started ringing and the caller id said it was Kwest.

"Hey Kwest" I said.

"Hey I'm so glad I let Jude talk me into coming over tonight, why didn't you tell me you guys were together" Kwest said.

"We're not... Wait where are you."

"Look behind you man."

I looked behind me and saw Kwest getting out of his car. He walked up to the window.

"Dude why is she crying did you guys split?"

"We were never together."

"No need to hide it anymore I saw you kiss her."

"We're not together Kwest."

"But... So you just kissed her for absolutely no reason at all... Yea that makes tons of sense."

"I didn't sat I didn't have a reason."

"Man you need to go home and get some sleep because you're starting to say crap that has no meaning."

'I'm leaving and so are you.'

'No Jude invited me."

--------------------

At the sound of my name I looked up I saw Kwest talking to Tommy. I ran over there.

"Hey Jude" Kwest said smiling "Why didn't you tell me about you and Tommy I mean I know what happened on your 16th in the alley but I thought that was like a one time thing I didn't know you were together."

"You told him about the alley" Tommy and I said in unison.

"Ha-ha no no I saw you guys" Kwest said "Jude why'd you want me to come anyways.'

"Well I was wondering if maybe you could introduce me to those friends of yours" I said. Tommy's eyes widened and I knew he knew exactly what I meant

-----------------

I got out of the car and stood in front of Jude.

"Jude go inside your house Kwest you GO HOME" I yelled

"You're pretty protective for a guy who could careless whether I lived or died" Jude said.

"Jude."

"No Tommy admit it I could kill myself right in front of you tomorrow and you'd just point and laugh."

"Jude you know that isn't true."

"Correction Tommy's I know that is true."

"I'm gonna go" Kwest piped in.

"STAY" Jude and I yelled.

"I COULD JUST FALL TO THE GROUND RIGHT NOW AND YOU'D START TALKING TO KWEST ABOUT HOW ANNOYING OR STUPID OR HOW BAD A SINGER I WAS!"

"IF YOU FELL RIGHT NOW YOU'D NEVER HIT THE FLOOR!"

"WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN SWEET DURING A FIGHT?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

"WELL I LOVE YOU TOO

I walked closer and kissed her. Kwest quietly walked away and I pinned her against the car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star**

I pulled away and shook my head trying to clear it.  
"Oh my god what am I doing Tommy you're a worse drug THAN ANYTHING KWEST COULD HAVE GOTTEN ME" I yelled.  
"Jude" Tommy whispered.  
"No Tommy I can't talk to you right now I don't know if I ever can."

I ran inside and looked around. No one was home and I knew where the alcohol was. I walked into the kitchen and picked the lock on the cabinet where my parents kept everything. I took out a bottle of vodka and took a sip. It tasted disgusting and burned my throat but in an odd way felt good. I continued drinking until it was empty. I took another one and finished it quickly. After my third or fourth bottle probably around 7:00am I passed out.

-------------------

The next morning I woke up and decided to try to talk to Jude again. I knew her mom and Sadie were gone. Her mom was at a spa and Sadie was staying at her friend's house for a week.

I got to her house and rang the bell. After a few minutes no one answered so I knocked. Still no answer. I looked through the window and saw Jude passed out on the floor with a bottle of rum in her hand.

I opened the door and ran over to Jude and picked her up. I put her on the couch. I took the empty bottle and walked into the kitchen. There were three more empty bottles there. I took them and put them in the recycle bin.

When I walked into the living room Jude was on the floor again. I picked her up and walked upstairs to her room. I put her in her bed and covered her up. I decided to restock her parents' cabinet so she wouldn't get in trouble. I was about to leave when she started to throw up into the bucket I put by her bed.

--------------------

"Tommy" I whispered. He turned around and walked over to me.  
"Don't worry I'm leaving" he said and walked out the door.  
I got out of bed and ran after him. He was already halfway down the stairs. I ran down the stairs but I tripped. Tommy heard me and turned around. I fell right into his arms. I turned around and kissed him. He started to pull away but then just got closer. 

--------------------

I could taste the alcohol in her breath and realized she didn't know what she was doing. I pulled away and sat down on the step. Jude sat down next to me.  
"I thought you said you loved me" Jude said looking hurt.  
"I do" I said putting my arm around her.  
"Then why'd you pull away?'  
"Because I love you" I began "Jude you're drunk and I know some things I did..."  
"I'm not you.'  
"You're right you're not me but that doesn't change the fact that..."  
"YOU KNOW TOMMY IF YOU DON'T WANT ME JUST SAY IT STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE WHEN YOU REALLY..."  
I pulled her closer and kissed her not caring about the consequences. We stood up and Jude grabbed my arm and led me to her room. She smiled and I pulled my arm back realizing what she was thinking.  
"QUINCEY MAKE UP YOUR MIND!"  
"Jude I better go you need to sleep."  
I whispered in her ear "I love you no matter what" then I left without another word.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't care if I save the world I'd be happier leaving it" Jude started singing. I was almost out the door when I heard her start playing her guitar badly due to the level of intoxication but her voice was still as good as always. She started signing the chorus.

"I don't want to live my life I just want to runaway from this pain Don't want to worry about what's gonna happen next I need something to get rid of this burn Give me anything you've got to make my life end I was formerly happy."

After hearing that last line I ran upstairs. When she saw me in her door way she flipped me off and continued singing the second verse

"I need to leave and never some back Never feel hurt again Just need to wander over the edge."

"Jude what's it called" I asked sitting next to her.

She pulled out a bag of something that was white and powdery.

"Jude is that coke" I asked

"No it's not it's powdered sugar Kwest gave it to me but told me it was something else" I said glaring at him just because he cared "why Tommy thy did you pick now to tell me how you felt." I lied down on my bed and was about to fall asleep

When he finally answered

"I finally realized there was no point in denying it I loved you and I'd never stop" Tommy said lying down next to me.

"And you couldn't have figured this out before my 16th"I asked sitting up.

Tommy sit up and pulled me closer. He looked like he was seriously thinking about kissing me but he didn't. He let go of me and got up. "You're not doing this to me again" I said "you're not just going to walk away" "Jude you need some rest I'm not leaving I'll sleep on the couch OK" Tommy said and he walked out the door.

I'll talk to him tomorrow.

I woke up at 9:00 the next morning. I jumped out of

bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth then I

went downstairs to see Tommy

"Good Morning" Tommy said turning around "sleep

well?"

"Not exactly" I replied.

Tommy walked out of the kitchen. I walked behind him.

He sat on the couch and I sat down next to him.

"I love you" I mumbled.

"I love you too" he said pulling me closer to him.

I felt like crap I was tired and I had a bad headache

and my stomach wasn't in the best mood either but

when he was holding me I felt like I was on cloud nine.

(A/N: I know horribly cliché)

I know don't know what this is about this whole

sudden proclamation thing but I like it. Although I know

this isn't a dream I still feel like I could pinch myself and

not even feel it. I fell asleep in Tommy's arms. I knew

something had to be wrong if I was this tired after just

waking up but I didn't care.


	5. Chapter 5

Jude was sweating but she was shivering. I put a blanket on her. She was burning up. I managed to slip a thermometer in her mouth without her waking up. It was 102.4. I know I run pretty high fevers when I'm sick so I didn't worry about it. She moved and then opened her eyes. She moved her arm and I saw a big bruise right where her head had been lying.

"Jude what happened to your arm" I asked.

She looked at it.

"I don't know was it there before I fell asleep" she said sleepily.

"I don't think so" I said.

She looked at the thermometer in my hand.

"Were you planning on stealing the thermometer" she asked.

"No I took you're temperature 102.4" I said "do you usually run high fevers."

"No" she replied.

----------

He looks worried should I be worried. What's wrong with me?

I scratched a mosquito bite and I started bleeding. Now I'm worried.

"Jude here let me get you um uh where are the band..."

"Bathroom medicine cabinet." I said. He went to get me a band-aid. When he came back and saw that I was still bleeding he looked horrified. That's when I started to worry a lot.

He knows something. He suspects something.

"What's wrong" I asked hoping he'd give me an honest answer.

"Jude I think we should go" he said while putting the band-aid on my arm. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Dr. Holden it's about fifteen minutes away" I said pointing to the list of numbers and addresses on the fridge.

They're doing tests. That can't be good. I agree.

----------

The tests came back and confirmed what I had expected Jude had leukemia. She started crying and the doctor left us alone.

"Jude it'll be OK" I comforted her.

"Tommy how am I supposed to record or perform if I'm sick" she cried.

"Don't worry about that" I said "I'm going to call your mom OK."

Jude nodded and took out my phone.

"567-0098" she said.

I dialed the number.

"Hello Mrs. Harrison this is Tommy ummm Jude is ummm sick" I said not really knowing what else to say.

"Where are you" she asked.

"Her doctor's office."

"Let me speak to him."

"Ummm ok."

Just then the doctor walked in.

"Um her mother wants to speak with you" I said to the doctor. He nodded and I handed him the phone.

----------

"Yes."

"No."

"Leukemia."

"I know ma'am."

"Yes."

"Your very welcome" the doctor said "Jude she wants to speak to you."

I hate doctors they're so unfeeling.

Jude: (into the phone) what

Mrs. Harrison: (on other line) Jude I'm going to Rome for six months.

Jude: I heard you I just can't believe you'd do this.

Mrs. Harrison: Jude I have to it's a great opportunity

Jude: Mom I'm sick I need you here not in Rome

Tommy heard me say this and took the phone from me.

Tommy: Mrs. Harrison I really think you should come home

Mrs. Harrison: Tommy you have to understand I have to go I won't be able to pay for treatments without this extra money

Tommy: G major could probably help and if not I would I just really think she needs you

Mrs. Harrison: I know she needs me but I don't think I could stand seeing her like that

Tommy: she needs you and if you can't just suck it up and come help her than you obviously don't care much about her

Mrs. Harrison: Tommy please try to understand I can't see my strong daughter weak and sick

Tommy: Well she needs you she's strong and she'll get through it but not without support from her friends and most importantly her family

Mrs. Harrison: I have to go my flight is leaving tell Jude I love her and six months isn't that long

Tommy: You have to realize she may not be here when you get back

Mrs. Harrison: No she'll make it

Tommy: Oh I know I wasn't talking about that god bye Mrs. Harrison

----------

Jude started crying when I hung up the phone.

Jude: Why is she doing this to me?

Tommy: Jude it's ok

Jude: It's not ok Tommy it never will be

When we got back to my house I saw Sadie leaning against the door frame with suitcases at her side.

"I'm going with mom" she said. She ran away from the house into her car before I could even say anything. I fell to the floor and sobbed.

"Jude..." Tommy started.

'Why aren't you running like everyone else" I asked.

"I'm here Jude and there is no way I'm leaving" he said before pulling me up and bringing me into a comforting hug.

"I love you" I said.

"I love you too" he replied kissing my head.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he looked down at me. He pulled me closer until we were so close not even a bomb going off at our feet could break us apart and kissed me. I let go of him with one hand and opened the door. I walked in and he followed me in.

I stood by the wall and waited for him to close the door. I pinned him against the wall.

"Didn't happen" I said.

"What didn't happen" he asked.

"The kiss or any of it" I said letting him go.

"I thought you were done getting me back for that" he asked.

"I am that's not why it didn't happen it didn't happen because we can't be together if I might not be here tomorrow" I explained. Tommy shook his head.

"You can't think like that Jude you're going to be fine and if you're not which I doubt you need to live your life in the time you have" he said caringly.

I started crying and he pulled me into another hug. He leaned down and I leaned up and our lips met halfway. We walked over to the couch without breaking apart.

After awhile the phone rang. Tommy groaned as I picked it up.

"Hello" I said.

"Hey Jude it's Georgia your mother called and told me about uh well how are you feeling" Georgia said nervously.

"I'm sick and my mom and sister left me to deal all by myself" I said "life's peachy."


	6. Chapter 6

"It's funny" I started "I never wanted to die alone well guess it's going to happen."

"Don't talk like that Jude" Tommy said pulling into my driveway.

"Tommy" I said "I don't want to fight it I'd rather just die."

"Don't say that" he said again.

"I'm serious Tommy I might as well just live my life in the short amount of time I have instead of suffering for months then dying without doing anything I wanted to do" I said.

"Well what haven't you done" he asked.

"Um lets see get married have kids" I said.

"Well get married then get treatment" Tommy suggested.

"Oh yeah I'm just going to walk up to some random guy and say 'hey I'm dying wanna get married'" I said "get real Tommy. I don't want to get married to just anyone I want to be in love with my husband and the guy I love I don't think loves me back."

"Oh really who's this guy" Tommy asked.

"You're not that clueless" I said.

"Well apparently I am because I thought you loved me but I remember telling you I love you quite a few times" Tommy said.

"Did you mean it" I asked.

"Of course" he said.

"Then lets go" I said.

"Go go where" he asked clueless.

"Lets get married" I said

"OK" Tommy said.

"Really" I said.

"Why not" he said.

"You're serious" I said.

"Are you" he asked.

"Yeah" I said.

"Then so am I" I said "we're getting married."

"Yes but if we are going to get married you have to get permission" he said.

"From who" I asked.

"You're parents" he said.

"Why" I asked.

"It's the law" he said.

I don't know if that's a law in Canada but I know that here if you're under 18 you need parental permission also I know that it's like against the law for a minor to be with uh not a minor but that's only if they sleep together so technically getting married is not breaking any laws.

"Stupid mean law" I pouted.

"I'm amazed at how lighthearted you can be when you just found out have um uh" he said.

"Say it" I demanded.

"Say what" he asked.

"What I have say it" I said.

"I don't want to" he said.

"SAY IT!"

"Why."

"Oh forget it."

Tommy started the car again and drove off. He pulled up in front of Jamie's house.

"Why are we here" I asked.

"Forget the whole lets get married thing OK" he said.

"What no why" I asked.

"Just do it OK" he said sternly.

"OK" I said.

"Get out" he said.

"What?"

"GET OUT!"

I got out of the car and a tear fell down my cheek. Why is he doing this? He's weird. Why is he going to pretend we never wanted to get married? Again he's weird.

"Jude wait" he called I turned around "What's your favorite cut of diamond?"

"Princess" I said smiling like an idiot.

I ran to Jamie's door and knocked loudly. He came out and looked sad.

"Jude I just heard are you OK" he asked.

"Fine I'm getting married" I said excitedly.

"You're getting married...To who" he said.

"Tommy" I jumped up and down.

"Since when are you guys even dating" Jamie asked.

"Um a couple days" I replied starting to get a little mad that he wasn't happy for me.

"Jude you're sick you should concentrate on getting better" Jamie said.

"Jamie I need to live my life before it's over" I said.

"Well you have plenty of time" he said unconvincingly.

"No Jamie I don't and I love Tommy and he loves me and if you don't support us then I'm out" I said.

"No no I'm happy for you really congratulations" he said.

I smiled and we went in. I started to feel a little tired so I asked him if I could take a nap here because I didn't want to walk home. Of course he said yes and I went into his room and fell asleep almost immediately before I realized that I might not wake up and shot up and ran down stairs.

"What happened I thought you were going to take a nap" Jamie said getting up and walking to where I stood on the stairs.

"I might not wake up" I said honestly.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok I don't know if I put her age in here or not but she's 18. If it's different in any of the chapters I'm sorry I'm mixing her age now with the age in the story sorry.**

"Of course you will" Jamie said.

"We don't know that for sure I could not wake up" I said.

"Jude a fire could start and a plane could land on the house but if you keep living by what could happen you won't live" Jamie said.

"Jamie come with me" I said.

He nodded and we walked upstairs into his bedroom. He fell right to sleep but I just sat there and for the first time thought about what I was doing.

Before I had time to talk myself out of it I was asleep. i don't know how long I slept but when I woke up I was alone and I had roses all around me. I was convinced that I was in a coffin.

Then i looked around and saw that I was in Tommy's room. I got up and saw myself in the mirror. I saw that I was wearing a blue halter dress with black and white heels. I saw a ring in the mirror. It was white gold and had two small princess cut diamonds on going all the way around the ring with a bigger diamond in the middle. It was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen.

I raced down stairs and saw Tommy sitting at a table set for two. It had two candles in the middle of the table.  
"Tommy I can't accept the ring" I said. I saw hurt in Tommy's eyes and knew he thought I meant we couldn't get married. Before I could tell him otherwise he spoke.   
"OK Jude I'm confused you asked me you don't usually say no when you ask."  
"No Tommy I want to get married I just can't keep this ring" I clarified.  
"Why I thought you'd like it I even had Kat come to help me pick it out" Tommy said.  
"I love it but it's too much it must have a cost a fortune" I said.  
"You're worth it" he smiled.  
"No I'm not I'll probably die before anyone even gets to see it" I said.  
"Jude" Tommy said.  
I collapsed.

**Sorry for the shortness**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**A/N: Underline flashback**

"JUDE, Jude... Jude Wake Up" I shook her. I grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1.  
"Hello" a voice on the other line said.   
"My fiancé passed out she won't wake up" I said frantically.  
"OK sir is she breathing" the woman asked.   
"Yes" I responded a little calmer.  
"OK we'll send an ambulance"  
**(A/N: I've never had to call an ambulance before so I really don't know how this conversation would go so I'm just guessing.)**

A few minutes later an ambulance cam and they put her on a stretcher. They slid her into the ambulance and were about to shut the door when I spoke up.  
"Can I come."  
The EMT nodded and I jumped in. They shut the door and gave Jude oxygen. They checked her vitals. Everything was good. When we got to the hospital they took her into a room and told me to wait in the waiting room for a while.

I sat in the waiting room for fifteen minutes before someone came.  
"Mr. Quincy" the doctor said.  
"Yes" I stood up.  
"Hi I'm Dr. Highdell" he said "Ms. Harrison has agreed to have her first round of chemo today you can sit with her if you'd like."  
"Thank you" I ran to her room.  
Jude was looking at her now bare finger.  
"Give it back" she demanded.  
"What i thought you didn't want it" I said clueless.  
"I changed my mind I'm allowed now give it back you have plenty of money we both have good jobs now give it back" Jude said.  
I slipped the ring back on her finger.

"Good Tommy" she patted me on the head.

2 days later

I woke up the to the sounds of Jude crying. She seemed so sad all the time now. Her doctors think it should be cured in about a month since they caught so early.  
"Jude are you ok" I asked but instantly realized what a stupid question that was "I mean obviously you're not ok otherwise you wouldn't be crying but they said you'll be fine soon."

"That's not why I'm crying" Jude said in between sobs.  
"Please tell me what's wrong you've been mopey since you're first round of chemo" I said.  
"I had to sign some papers before I started" Jude said.  
"But I thought Jamie signed for you" I said confused.  
"No I signed a paper because I didn't want you to know about it" Jude said.

"Ms. Harrison" the doctor said.  
"Yes" I said.  
"I need you to sign some papers" he said.  
"Oh you can have Jamie sign for me" I said. "  
" I think you should read over them first" he said. I nodded and took the papers. I started reading the first page but something shocked me.  
"It says something about the baby dying what baby" I asked  
"What oh I thought you knew I assumed that's why you didn't want chemotherapy in the first place" the doctor said.  
"What are you talking about" I said cluelessly.  
"You're pregnant Ms. Harrison and if you start chemotherapy the baby will die" the doctor said. What do I do. **Either live and kill you're baby or die and let you're baby live.** Not helping. **Sorry but you know what you have to do you're 18 if you weren't sick you probably would have had an abortion anyways so you might as well save yourself.** You're right well not totally if I wasn't sick I wouldn't have an abortion I might put it up for adoption though. I signed the paper and started to cry

"Jude you're not making any sense what happened" Tommy asked.  
"I was pregnant" I whispered.  
"What" Tommy said just as quietly?  
"I was pregnant but when I started chemo the baby died" I said.  
"How far along were you" Tommy asked.  
"A month" I said softly.

_I can't believe she was pregnant. **Why you know you didn't use a condom that time. **Why didn't she tell me sooner? **Who knows she's complicated.**_

"Jude it's OK don't cry" I tried comforting her.  
"It's not OK Tommy I didn't even tell you I killed our child and never even told you" Jude cried.  
"Hey shh it's OK you did what you had to do" I said.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews I was beginning to think no one liked this story**

"Tommy I love you but I'm 18" I said.

"I was wondering when it was finally going to hit you" Tommy smiled.

"So you're not mad I mean you bought the ring and everything" I said.

"I have no doubt that one day we'll be married but not until you're a little older" Tommy said "I'll just save it until later."

I smiled and got ready to go to the doctor for my last round of chemo. When we got the hospital a doctor came and instead of taking me into my usual room he took me into his office.

"Miss Harrison that last round of chemo surprisingly got the last of the cancer you don't need to have anymore" he said.

I smiled "How long until my hair grows back?"

"Depends on how fast your hair grows" the doctor smiled at me "come back in a month for a check up."

I nodded and Tommy and I walked out of his office. I screamed and hugged him.

"It's all over" I jumped up and down in his arms.

He nodded and grinned and we walked out of the hospital.

When we got home I walked upstairs and grabbed a phone. First I called Jamie. Then I called Georgia who told EJ for me. Then after Tommy lectured me about my parent needing to know I called mom.

"It's over" I said simply "it's safe to come back." I hung up not needing or wanting an answer.

"WHAT!" I heard Tommy yell.

I ran downstairs to see Sadie with Shay.

"It's not a big deal" Sadie defended.

"You're right it's not with everything that has been going on in my life this well it's tiny" I said "welcome home Sadie."

Suddenly the phone rang. I ran to go get it. It was mom.

"Mom is getting remarried" I told Sadie.

"I know but…'

"It's not a big deal" I walked outside "come on Tommy we have to go see Georgia apparently Kwest has a big surprise."

When we got to the studio I heard Kwest singing my newest song Fine.

"Kwest can sing" I said.

"I know and he's going to do a duet with but…"

"Not a big deal" I smiled and sang with Kwest.

A few weeks later

I was sitting in my room working on a song thinking about all that had happened when my phone rang.

"Hello" I said.

"Jude, Tommy's in the hospital he had a car accident."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot**

I dropped the phone. This is the kind of excitement I was talking about. I heard Georgia still on the phone. I hung it up and grabbed my jacket. I ran out the Door and realized I had no car. I ran as fast as I could over to Jamie's house and banged on the door.

"JAMIE!" I yelled when he walked out "drive me to the hospital I'll explain on the way."  
"OK" he opened the door to his car for me and I got in.

We drove to the hospital and I told him the very short story about why we were going.

When we got to the hospital I ran to the receptionist.  
"Where's Tommy Quincy" I asked.  
"You're Jude Harrison" she yelled.  
"Yeah, yeah now where's Tommy" I yelled.  
"Jude" I turned around to see Georgia.

"Is he OK what happened?"  
"I don't know they won't tell us anything" Georgia said.  
"Ever feel like you're life is a soap opera" I thought out loud.  
"Everyday" Georgia shook her head.

20 minutes later a doctor came out to talk to us.

"Jude you can go in and see him now I'm going to talk to Georgia" he said.

I nodded and walked into Tommy's room. "Hey Quincy" I said when he opened his eyes.

"Who are you" he asked.

"Very funny" I laughed nervously.

"What's funny" he asked.

"You pretending not to remember me" I said.

"I'm not pretend…" he trailed off and passed out.

"Tommy" I said "TOMMY!"

A doctor came in. His side was bleeding pretty badly. They stopped the bleeding but the line on his heart monitor ran flat and a long beep rang through the room.

"TOMMY" I yelled "NO! PLEASE TOMMY DON'T DIE YOU CAN'T DIE I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

With those words the line started to move and the beeping continued.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot and the song**

"Is he ok" I asked.  
"He should be fine but he hit his head pretty hard I'd be surprised if he didn't have..."  
"Amnesia" I finished for him.

The doctor nodded. I sat in the chair by his bed. I grabbed his hand and kissed it. He didn't even move.

"He's officially comatose" the doctor said.  
"What?"  
"We don't think he'll be in a coma for long though" the doctor said I knew it was true he never sugar coated things with me.  
"He's strong" I said simply "he's got to be."

_He has to be OK. **He will be. **I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't pull through._

"Tommy has been in a coma for 3 months" the doctor said.  
"I know" I said weakly.  
"Tommy got shot about five years ago and was on life support for awhile but he said after that he didn't want life support again and that after 3 months ..."  
"No!"  
"Jude you really don't..."  
"NO!"

"I'm really sorry Jude but it's already been done" the doctor said.

"You mean Tommy's..."

"I'm sorry for your loss" he said unconvincingly.

I broke down I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Jamie found me about fifteen minutes later and picked me up.

"What happened" he asked.

"He's dead" I cried louder and buried my head in is chest.

"Jude I'm so sorry" he said much more convincingly then the doctor.

Jamie took me home.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you" he asked.

"No I really need to be alone" I said He nodded and closed the door.

I ran into my room. I grabbed my guitar and started playing. It didn't help much I couldn't come up with a new song and all my old ones just made me think of him. I tried to take a shower.

While shaving I cut myself. At first it stung but then I realized it felt good. To feel real pain. I turned off the shower and got out. I put on a black cami and plaid pajama bottoms. I took one razor blade and pressed it gently against my wrist.

I pushed a little harder until a drop of blood formed. It felt so good to feel something other than sadness. I ran the blade against my wrist. My wrist was bleeding profusely now. I kept cutting until I reached 15 I don't know why I stopped there but that number it was just burning in my head. That was the year I had met him. I washed off my arm. I went into my room and picked up my guitar again. My wrist didn't stop bleeding and it fell on my white carpet.

"The white floor turns red

Blood seeps into the carpet

Witness's hearts fill with dread

Blood fills the lungs of all

Screams are heard for miles

Everyone who stands will fall

You'll be pushed to the ground

By the harsh reality

No doubt you'll never be found

Red tears fall from eyes

The end is closer than you think

Falling down a well of lies

Blood fills the lungs of all

Screams are heard for miles

Everyone who stands will fall

You'll be pushed to the ground

By the harsh reality

No doubt you'll never be found

Feeling pain is a sign of life

Falling to the floor at the speed of light

Need to feel the blade of the knife

Blood fills the lungs of all

Screams are heard for miles

Everyone who stands will fall

You'll be pushed to the ground

By the harsh reality

No doubt you'll never be found"

Sadie ran into my room.

"Jude" she yelled. She saw that I was still bleeding she ran into my bathroom and came back out with tissues and band aids. She wiped the blood off my arm and put the band aids over my cuts. I was too weak to protest.

I started to cry again. Sadie pulled me closer and hugged me.

"Shh it's OK."

"But it's not OK Sadie he's dead and there's nothing I can do about it" I cried harder.

Jamie stood in the door way. When he saw me crying he sat down and wrapped his arm around me also.

"Shh I know it's hard but he would have wanted you to move on and be happy not spend your whole life moping cutting and writing really depressing songs" Jamie said.

"Guess that wasn't gimmicky cooperate crap" I threw at him even though he didn't deserve it "I'm sorry I didn't mean that you've been great and..." I started to cry again.

"I loved him I still do I'll always love him and I don't know if I'll ever love anyone as much as I love him."

"No ones asking you to" Sadie said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot**

_**Bold+Italics+UnderlineFlashback**_

The next day before anyone was awake I rushed out the door. I got into the blue viper Tommy had left for me and instantly began to cry. The car smelled like him. I drove to G Major that reminded me of him even more and I cried harder.

"Jude you're not supposed to be here" Georgia said.

"Georgia I want to be here I really do" I cried.

"Jude I'm going to call Sadie and have her come get you, you shouldn't drive like this. You can come pick up your car when you're feeling better" she said.

"I'm not sick Georgia I feel fine" I tried to sound ok.

"Jude home now" she said.

"Jude sing now" I cried harder.

"No" she yelled.

"Just let me go to the roof" I said.

"Why" she asked.

"Just let me go" I sobbed.

"Ok come on" she said.

She walked me through the studio. She didn't let me stop or let anyone talk to me. When we got the roof I fell. I was sobbing uncontrollably. Georgia tried to comfort me without much luck. I heard her call Sadie and I knew I didn't have much time.

"WHY!" I yelled "why did you leave me here all alone."

"Jude come on" Georgia tried.

"You were supposed to be there for me" I yelled again "if we would have forgotten it if we would have stuck to our promise if we had let it go let us go you'd still be here.

It's my fault it's all my fault I'm sorry Tommy."

"Jude no one blames you" Georgia said.

"You should he was coming to see me" I yelled

"If we would have forgotten about everything like we had promised we wouldn't be together and he wouldn't have been late for our date and he wouldn't have been on the road and he wouldn't have gotten into a wreck and he'd still be here."

"Jude its ok" Sadie said "no one will ever blame you."

"I blame me" I said weakly.

"You shouldn't" She pulled me into her arms.

I calmed down a little and spoke to her "This is where we had our first kiss you know."

"No I didn't when was that" she asked.

"My sixteenth" I told her "ever since then this has kind of been my hide out."

"Really" she said.

"Yea" I said simply "he used to come out here with me a lot."

"_**Hey Jude" Tommy said.**_

"_**Oh hey Tommy what's up" I smiled.**_

"**_Nothing" he pulled a bouquet of flowers from behind his back "happy 17th girl."_**

"_**Thank you Tommy they're beautiful I love them" I told him happily.**_

"_**And I love you" he whispered I barely heard it but I did."**_

"**_I lo" he cut me off._**

"_**Jude I'm sorry I didn't mean… to say that just forget it."**_

"_**Well it's definitely my birthday" I said bitterly.**_

"_**Please Jude just forget I said…"**_

"_**That's Tommy always forgetting the bad."**_

"_**And remembering the good."**_

"_**It's not all good Tommy."**_

"Wow I can't believe he did that to you" Sadie said.

"Yeah well it wasn't all bad" I said "We… promise not to get mad" Georgia nodded "On my 18th birthday we slept together here."

"Wow just wow that wow" Sadie said.

"He did the same thing for the third time he said it never happened" I cried "excuse me."

I ran into the studio and locked myself in the nearest bathroom. My life was over right when I had gotten it back. I dug through my purse to find a knife and I found a bottle of sleeping pills. I took about half the bottle and started cutting. I was going to see Tommy again. It was over. It was all over.

The End

It's over. I know kind of a bittersweet ending. It's kind of Titanic-ish. I saw our place now I can die.


End file.
